by Vince Russo
Sometimes in life a road is paved in a way that most cannot understand. Vince Russo ruled the world of Professional Wrestling and bringing an "Attitude" like no other to a world where competition meant life or death. Read about his journey through life and his salvation in his brand new book.
(NOTE: The following is an excerpt from my soon to be released book, Vince Russo Forgiven. Keep in mind when reading, the original manuscript was written two years agobefore I was saved by Christwhen I was living in the world. Since I became saved, I had the privilege to read and review my own words and share my revelations with you. For those of you who have questioned whether, or not, my faith is some sick workmaybe you can see by my own words that I am not the same man I once was.)
INTO THE VOID
(Written two years ago--Before Saved)
Amy posed the question to me last night when we were lying in bed, Vin . . . are you ever going to be happy? My immediate answer, Yeah, when Im dead.
The truth is I havent been happy for over 20 years. The last time in my life I can literallyremember being happy is during my college years. Since graduationlife has suckedthe whole journey has sucked. Oh, there have been some high spotsmy kids being born , the Giants going to the World Series in 89but basically aside from that life has blown. Im telling you, looking backI never thought it would be this hardthis un-enjoyable--NEVER. And, sometimes it just seems to go from bad to worse. When does it get easy? When will I find peace with myself? Oh, dont give me that religious BS. Yes I believe in God, yes I find peace in God, but right now God isnt putting 70 hours a week into this businessI AM!!!
Bono says it best, I still havent found what Im looking for. The only problem isafter 41 years on this earth I still dont know what Im looking for!!!! All I know is that Im not happy. Theres just something missing. Sometimes It scares the hell out of me that it could all end abruptlyand maybe Ill never find that peace within myself. Then again, maybe that peace is on the other side. Apology-- it wasnt my intention to bring you down, but the grind just sucks.
(Written two years laterAfter Saved)
Those last few verses sum up this entire book . . . this entire journey. Never mind you the reader, for me to sit here first hand and see before my eyes my feelings, my thoughts, my emotions from only two short years ago; to experience once again the loneliness, the depression, the despair, the reaching out. And whats mind-blowing were my comments about religion and God. Why did I even bring that up? Who said anything about God, or religion? Thats what I mean when I talk about the sub-conscious. God was there all along, he walked every step, spoke every word, felt every emotion and waited . . . and waited . . . and waited.
At that point of that last log I hadnt hit rock bottom yet. What was happening was that I was becoming more and more aware of my situationnot being happy, not feeling fulfilled, trying to fill a void with no idea how to. My words were a plea to God without me even knowing it. I was talking to him indirectly without even being aware of it. But, thats not the way he wanted it. In order for me to be blessedI had to talk to him man-to-man, face-to-face, I had to ask for my salvation, my forgivenessI had to thank himbut most importantly. . . I had to glorify his name. At that point in my life I just wasnt there yet.
But in time . . . I would be.
For me, it had everything to do with winning and losing and nothing to do with how you played the game. I always wondered-- who believes its how you play the game anyway? Ill tell you who--losers. It was all about winning and nothing else mattered. The more you won, the stronger you became. The more you failedthe less you were. Sounds h